“You’re not adding enough value in meetings”. Just in the last year I’ve coached close to a dozen people who all got the same feedback from their manager. All turned out to be introverts on the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator). As I asked more questions about each situation, I realized “not adding enough value” was code for “we want to hear you
talk more”.
One of the biggest differences between extroverts and introverts is how we process and share information. Extroverts talk to think. Introverts think before they talk. For many introverts, trying to talk in a team meeting is like trying to jump on a fast moving merry go round set in motion by the extroverts in the room. The extroverts are happily processing their thoughts out loud. The introverts are listening intently, trying to process everything they’re hearing, find their own insight or opinion, then find the right words to express it.
Typically one of two things happens when an introvert finally speaks up in a meeting:
- They contribute something completely brilliant. Everyone appreciates their contribution and wishes they would speak up more often.
- No one hears what the introvert has to say, either because it’s not said with enough volume and conviction to be noticed over the happy din of extroverted thinking and/or because the contribution is made so late in the conversation that everyone else has moved on in their thinking.
So how to get into the conversation sooner and get heard? Silence your inner Editor. Be willing to toss out draft ideas and not worry about how they’ll be received. You can always edit out loud by adding clarifying details or a follow on comment like, “Maybe an even better way to say that is…”
One thing a lot of introverts I coach have in common is an Editor in their head who convinces them what they are about to say is somehow not good enough: it’s not on point, it’s not strategic enough, it’s probably not important enough to say, etc. The Editor’s commentary adds mental noise and physical stress to the introvert’s system, making it even more difficult to put coherent thoughts together and find a good moment to leap into the discussion. Send your Editor on a break and join the extrovert party–think out loud.
Are there work situations in which you’d like to speak with more confidence? I’m an introvert too, and have a wealth of information to share on how to overcome the small and large challenges we all face at one time or another: dry mouth, blank brain (what was I going to say? Where are my words??), shaky voice, trembling hands, pounding heart, red face, or just plain not knowing what’s worth adding to the conversation. Contact me for a free introductory coaching session or for more tips I can send you in email.
Wishing you success and confident presence,
Jane
